‘Dining and Dressing for success’ course helps UMASS Lowell grads get an edge with manners.

By David Perry  (Sun Staff)
When Rosanne Thomas was growing up, dinner was a practical manner, laced with little lessons of respect and basic decencies. She was one of six kids in a family that dined together.Her Mom was a schoolteacher. Her father, a Naval officer, used to joke that there was once a seventh child, “but he died of politeness. Starved to death.”

Now, Thomas works with UMass Lowell students in her three-hour “Dining and Dressing for Success” session. The kids, many of whom have donned suits for the occasion, stare at her.The shiny dinner plates and array of utensils glinting up at them? They are yours to conquer, she says.

“Today,” she tells her students, many of whom donned suits for the session, “expertise is assumed. What distinguishes you from the competition is how well you present yourself. ” The fork. The napkin. The handshake. She teaches those things.

Seven years ago, Thomas, a tall, slender, woman with a graceful stride and warm manner, first visit UMass Lowell. Her Protocol Advisor Inc. of Boston was 3 years old, and she was amassing clients. About 40 students showed up for a four-course, sit-down dinner at a small room in Fox Hall. Thomas eased them through it.

This most recent session, there was a waiting list of 45 and a PowerPoint presentation. Six corporate sponsors, from Raytheon to Hertz. “There’s a buzz about this now”, says Patricia Yates, director of Career Services for UMass Lowell. “This is her seventh year, and Rosanne presents a subject that can be threatening in a very engaging way. And the students are self-selected in a way. They’ve identified they have a need for this.”

Thomas spent 11 years working for Tiffany & Co., they jeweler, in the corporate-sales division. Clients would ask advice. What’s the proper gift for a Japanese client? Is this correct? How about this? Recognizing a need for what she knew, she ventured out to help the confused corporate masses. She heard something else again and again: “Forget that, Americans don’t know the basics of eating dinner.” Thomas became a certified etiquette and protocol consultant. She studies the masters—Emily Post, Judith Martin, Letitia Baldrige—and set up shop. She has dozens of clients across the country across the country now. Businesses, universities. The Harvard Club, where people bring their young children. “The way you look, stand, dress, speak. Those things tell people something about you,“

Thomas tells the students gathered in Cumnock Hall. “And be it fair or not, people are making judgments about you based on those things.” To illustrate her point, she shows her student a quote from a Fortune 500 CEO who wonders, if a job prospect can’t negotiate the place setting before them, “What else did they skip learning?” She walks them through the meal, stressing that in terms of a business meal or interview, it is not about food. “Business and the development of that relationship is the focus,” She says. She tells them of obscure rules (the world of fingerbowls) , and the most obvious: “Never blow your nose in your dinner napkin.” “Conversation is the most critical thing,” she tells them. “ What are some things you should never talk about?” Silence. “Never talk about religion, politics, personal health, family, money. Nothing depressing.  No gossip or rumor. So what’s left?” Silence. “There’s art, music, book, travel, cars, dogs and current events that aren’t controversial.” Eleanor Roosevelt, says Thomas, “used to go through the alphabet. She’d start with ‘a.’ ‘Are you an art enthusiast? Do you like baseball? And she never reached ‘e’ or ‘f’ without getting something going.”

She discusses non-verbal clues. She flashes a picture in the screen of a lusty-looking blonde in a low-cut top. Everyone laughs. Within three to five seconds, she says, people form a first impression. “There is no way to recover when you are late for an interview, even with a very valid excuse.” She quotes Oscar Wilde in closing: “The world was my oyster, but I used the wrong fork” “Go forward,” she urges, “and use the right fork.” No! Not with that fork!

More tips from etiquette consultant Rosanne Thomas. What to do if:

• You have to leave the table: “place your napkin neatly on your chair. Leaving it to the left side of your plate signals you are not returning.”
• Someone toasts you: “The guest always reciprocates by toasting his host. Toasts should be well thought-out, sincere and brief.”

• You’re the host: Let the server know, make sure all the guests feel welcome, and handle any complaints.

• You’re eating soup: “Spoon your soup away from you. And bring the soup to you, don’t go to the soup.

• You’re served before others: “Wait to begin eating until the host has lifted his or her fork”

• Everyone’s finished but you: “If no one is let eating but you, you are done.”